Serenity Springs

Blame Canada

2009-06-12T17:38:00.001-05:00

We are moving to Canada. Wacky, huh?!

Obama might start out right

2009-01-19T22:30:00.001-06:00

This from CNN. I think this is a great use of the executive order power.

Long Time No Write

2008-10-24T09:52:00.002-05:00

It's been an interesting few weeks. David went to South Africa, I spilled a drink on my computer, and I found out I completely ripped up my left shoulder.

I'll be having surgery on my shoulder on November 4th, election day. I'll be voting early (tomorrow, as a matter of fact) so as not to lose my chance to vote out the Republicans.

Anyway, my stance on Sarah Palin hasn't changed. I think she's an idiot who doesn't know what she's doing. I think it's crap that she accepted $150,000 worth of clothes for herself and her family from the RNC. Geez, out of touch with "real" America much?? I strongly urge you to take a very close look at the McCain/Palin ticket and make an informed decision. I think if you give it some thought and if you do some research you'll realize for yourself how harmful McCain & Palin will be to America. Please think about it.

I, of course, am voting for Obama. I'm proud to say that. I'm still a bit disappointed that Clinton didn't the nomination, but that's mostly because she's a woman rather than her political beliefs. I must admit that Obama's beliefs and practices are the most closely alligned with mine and he deserves my vote. I hope he deserves yours as well.

Update

2008-10-08T23:38:00.003-05:00

I haven't been blogging lately because my arthritis is acting up and it's been hard to type.

I've lost 2 jeans sizes and I still hate Sarah Palin.

Yep, that's about all.

Oh how I loathe her

2008-09-10T08:04:00.004-05:00

Palin said, "You know the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick." She is evil and if McCain is elected and he becomes incapacitated, she's in charge. That literally strikes fear into my heart. And any attempt to try to convince me that Obama was literally taking a "swipe" at her will make me vomit. I'm so tired of politics. And I'm tired of people like Palin who claim to be "feminists" but are actually fundamentalist Christians who believe that men are our overlords. Don't understand what I'm talking about? Look up her opinions on abortion and her past with the Pentacostal church. I'm really familiar with that church and they are about as fundamentalist as you can get. Ugh.

Ugh

2008-09-08T17:05:00.001-05:00

Can somebody please explain to me how a person is supposed to go through life without using their effing elbows??

Having Kids

2008-08-21T17:20:00.002-05:00

My son is 12 and at this point in our lives, my advice would be that you not have kids. Kids are great but pre-teens are horrific. Today has been living hell, what with getting all of his stuff together to start school on Monday. He's totally freaking out because he's going to middle school for the first time. Makes me feel like I'm going to middle school for the first time too!

Insomnia

2008-08-18T12:45:00.003-05:00

I've got to find a way to fall asleep at a decent hour without completely drugging myself out. Almost all day I'm so groggy I can't get anything done. On Saturday I didn't wake up until 4pm and today I'm just now getting up. This has got to stop.

Tips?

Birthday Wishes are Due

2008-08-07T12:33:00.004-05:00

Happity happy 50th birthday Stevety Steve!

Biological Enough

2008-08-06T15:38:00.001-05:00

Today when Jack and I went to the comic book store he saw a sign at a nearby business that advertised "civilized divorce." So he started asking me about my divorce and if was civilized, etc. During the conversation we got to talking about Jack's biological father and I said I know it must be weird for him to not know him. His response? "I have a biological enough father."

It melted my heart.

Joss Whedon has a new book!

2008-07-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

Barnes & Noble has it for sale. Click here.

Greenies Warning

2008-07-28T18:27:00.003-05:00

This is from my friend OhioDave's blog:

Just got this from my cousin Vicki, who is a professional pet sitter and house sitter:

I recently had a pet sitting client call to tell me that her dog just had surgery for a bowel obstruction, which her veterinarian believed was caused by the Greenies brand Original Smart Treat.

Apparently, these treats had been pulled from the market some time ago and reformulated due to serious health problems in pets, and in some cases, caused death to the pet.

I have no formal information about this product at this point.

Please take note of this concern and pass along to anyone you know of that has dogs or cats, or buys these Greenies treats. This brand carries treats for dogs and cats.

Regards,

Vicki Gruner
Pet Nanny & Personal Assistant
website: www.homesandpets.com
email: service@homesandpets.com
513-235-7787 (Cell)

Snopes says it's "undetermined" but it's from 2005 and that story is apparently before the "reformulation" mentioned above.

Sweet

2008-07-28T12:20:00.002-05:00

Just got accepted into the Citizen's Prosecutor Academy with the Collin County District Attorney's Office. It's an internship that UTD offers for three credit hours. So, YAY me! I'll get to participate in a mock trial at the end so that'll be cool. And I've never worked in a prosecutorial job before so that'll also be cool. Anyway, apparently there will be much coolness and I'm actually kind of having mixed emotions because it'll be a lot of work but I think it will be good for me. I figured the other applicants would have higher GPAs than me but apparently I don't suck at college as much as I thought I did. So again I say, YAY me!

Cuil.com

2008-07-28T11:34:00.001-05:00

Pronounced "cool". Cuil.com is launching today in an effort to rival Google. Should be interesting to see what happens. I love internet competition!

The leaders of this country need to keep their damn hands away from my reproductive organs

2008-07-17T15:28:00.003-05:00

This literally makes my heart hurt. Medical care is medical care. Decisions regarding reproductive issues are private and should not be dealt with on a federal or even state level. I should have the right, just like every other person should have the right, to decide what is best for me. When will people learn to just leave other people alone and let them live in peace, trusting that they'll make the best decisions they can?

VOTE OBAMA. Seriously. Whether you're for or against birth control or abortion you should always be for letting people make their own decisions. Just because you choose to live one doesn't mean everyone does.

Thanks to blurbomat for the link.

STEVETY STEVE

2008-07-16T18:23:00.006-05:00

My friend STEVE STEVE STEVETY STEVE of ACE TATTOO in San Diego gave me this tattoo on my right ankle in about 1997. Soon you will be able to check out some of his other work here. This isn't the best picture in the world but I'll try to get a new one up soon.

Took 'em long enough

2008-07-14T13:19:00.000-05:00

This from CNN.com.

The Aftermath of Wizard Rock

2008-07-13T22:56:00.008-05:00

Fibromyalgia: Part II

2008-07-12T23:06:00.000-05:00

I'm looking into acupuncture and massage and trying to do what my body tells me. I feel like a loser though because I haven't worked or finished my 9 hours of school in over 7 months. I know that's par for the course with this disease but it still pisses me off.

Another problem I have is that when the pain gets really severe I have to take too much medication to make it stop or else take sleeping pills so that I sleep through it. When I take those drugs the pain sort of goes away but I can still feel it plus I always get a splitting headache and feel all high and weird. Any advice about tolerating the medications? (Lyrica, Relafin, Darvocet, & Skelaxin. Trazadone or Xanax to sleep.)

Fibromyalgia: Not just for crazy people anymore

2008-07-11T12:23:00.002-05:00

I remember when I first heard about fibromyalgia and the going theory amongst those "in the know" was that it was a made-up disease that doctors diagnosed in people they thought were crazy and just complaining of pain because they had too much time on their hands.

"HA!" says she who was semi-recently diagnosed with the disease. Trust me, this pain ain't in my head. Yesterday, on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the worst) the pain was about a 7. Today it's about a 3. That's what's so crazy about this condition: the pain fluctuates from day to day. You never know when you're going to have a "bad" day or a "good" day. It's impossible to make plans because you might wake up the day of your event (say a murder mystery party or a recent game day) and feel like crap but there's nothing you can do about it because you're about to have a house full of people looking for a good time.

Anyway, I've been trying to come up with different coping mechanisms so that I don't fall into a deep depression like I did when I first found out I had this. That was awful and I even contemplated suicide (not that I had a plan in place or anything and I don't think I'd ever actually leave my boys on purpose.) But I've been examined by three separate doctors now who all say I've got it and then they say, "Boy does it suck to be you," only in much better doctor-speak. But I digress.

One of my ways of coping with this disease is to sleep a lot and to refuse to feel guilty about it. I'm really not just being lazy (okay, maybe sometimes I'm just being lazy) but I'm really just very exhausted. Yesterday I took a "nap" from 4pm to 10pm and then went to bed at 1am, getting up at 10:30am today. That is not normal behavior for anyone but an infant. (Guess that explains my juvenile sense of humor...) So what if the house isn't perfectly clean? So what if the laundry doesn't get folded in a timely manner? So what, so what, so what? I also have OCD and I've realized that it's time to get over that as much as possible because seriously, the world is not going to explode if I don't finish the dishes.

Another way is to try to be more real with myself, my friends, and (occasionally) my family (their brains would implode if they ever knew the "real" me.) So I've started talking more about things that matter. My feelings, my fears, my insecurities, my failures, etc. I'm not very good about talking about that stuff but I've found that it helps tremendously to just get it out there in an effort to relieve stress. It's amazing how awesome my friends are to listen and to offer advice. Some of my friends have even started telling me about flaws I didn't even know I had (like making fun of midgets or teenagers, for instance.)

I know I'm rambling but I also know I can't be the only person out there who has fibromyalgia. We've got to stick together because people that don't have this disease don't seem to get fully comprehend all those goes with it. It affects every part of a person - mood, level of exhaustion and stress, ability to function, memory - everything. And sometimes when we're being bitchy or unreasonable it's because we're unreasonable bitches but other times it's because we're just so freaking tired and stressed from the pain that we seriously can't control ourselves.

So be patient and love us even when we're jerks. I swear we'll feel really bad about it later, but only if you tell us about it. Later. Don't do it when we're pissed. Trust me. I'm not a good person to talk to when I'm pissed. (And that has nothing to do with fibromyalgia, just the fact that I'm immature and can't be reasoned with until I settle down.)

I think I'm becoming more like David

2008-07-10T13:04:00.003-05:00

This from CNN.com. I have no problem with getting DNA prints off of actual felons but not until they're proven guilty. Being arrested for a felony is a lot different than being convicted of a felony. Hopefully his words are coming from an emotional place and not an actual "let's throw the Constitution out the window" place. Because seriously, we do not need any more of that in this country.

Levaquin

2008-07-08T23:52:00.002-05:00

Levaquin is one of the drugs just classified by the FDA as being a source of tendinitis or tendon rupture. My ex-doctor had me on Levaquin a week or two before my left foot got plantar fasciitis; my right foot already had it. CNN.com talks about it here.

My ex-doctor is so freaking reckless and I can't believe she's still allowed to practice medicine. That makes three drugs she gave me that should have never been given to me. I am so glad I fired her.

Yesterday

2008-07-02T09:50:00.003-05:00

- I talked to my old doctor in Oklahoma and he thinks the lung thing is probably either scar tissue from whatever or related to lupus. He does not think it's cancer. (He hasn't seen the ct scans, xrays, or done any workup himself.)

- Last night around 8pm a stranger called to say they had found my dog. :)

I am here

2008-07-01T16:44:00.003-05:00

Regarding Chloe:
- I've posted signs all over the neighborhood.
- I've posted information at our county's animal shelter.
- I've reported her missing to the microchip company.
- I've vowed to never again own another dog.

Regarding the nodule:
- I've picked up a copy of the "nodule" report and ct scans from the hospital.
- I've fired my PCP. (Reasons later; too many to discuss now.)
- I've left a message with my Oklahoma PCP.
- I've set an appointment with my rheumatologist for Thursday.
- I've set an appointment with my current PCP (even though I fired her today) for tomorrow to make sure I've got enough prescriptions, referrals, etc. to get me through until I find a new PCP.

- I've vowed to never smoke another cigarette again as long as I live.

At this point, I honestly don't know what else to do. I'm feeling extremely sad over the Chloe situation and have been breaking down in tears regularly. The thought of never seeing her face again honestly breaks my heart. And for my health, I'm flying completely blind. My PCP is a total jackass who seems to think...oh nevermind. I'm trying to keep my blood pressure down at this point.

I need crutches until I can see a podiatrist for my foot because she refuses to treat it anymore. I can't walk and walking around putting signs up made it soooo much worse.

I'm sad and depressed and honestly count yesterday as the worst day of my entire life.

Health/Life Update

2008-07-01T00:11:00.001-05:00

Today I found out that my heart is okay.

Today I found out that I have a nodule on my right lung.

Today my dog ran away.

Check this out

2008-06-28T12:58:00.003-05:00

Finally there's a governmental agency working to decriminalize child prostitutes and to instead go after their pimps. Geez, they're only just now thinking of this?? Okay so the program's been going on for five years, but still.

Article at CNN.com

The FBI's Innocence Lost Initiative

Cars

2008-06-25T13:49:00.001-05:00

What's the difference between a coupe and a sedan? Do standards get better gas mileage than automatics?

My mom's response to me air-licking Minear's ear

2008-06-23T09:58:00.002-05:00

"Good for you!"

I totally got to air-lick Tim Minear's ear!

2008-06-22T18:12:00.001-05:00

Photo courtesy of the official photographer of the event, nffcnnr, whose pictures can be seen here.

Creepy

2008-06-19T10:58:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago Jack had a Taco Bell kid's meal and his prize was this book. Oh the pictures it conjured in my head. Humans roasting on spits while talking, singing pinatas danced around them, laughing at the irony.

Quote of the Day

2008-06-17T22:36:00.003-05:00

"It takes a village to raise an idiot." David

Smoking

2008-06-17T19:05:00.003-05:00

It's been exactly ten days since I quit smoking. It honestly hasn't been that hard so I guess I was more ready to quit than I thought. David and I smoked a cigarette last Sunday night and it was so nasty I had to put it out after just a few puffs. I'm really glad we did that because it just reaffirmed my resolve to not smoke anymore.

I have noticed two main changes in my life since I quit smoking. First, I haven't had any chest pain, dizziness, or passing out. Second, my hair smells much better all the time.

Another thing I've noticed is that my appetite hasn't changed. I was really afraid that I would have a hard time losing weight after quitting but I've lost eight pounds since June 4th. My goal was to lose ten pounds by July 15 so I think I need a new goal!

Quote of the Day

2008-06-17T10:28:00.004-05:00

"She's a lot better than me at pretending to be a good person."

Said by me, in response to severe ass-hattery.

Today has been the worst

2008-06-13T17:47:00.003-05:00

I've wanted a cigarette worse today than I have this whole time. Is it really cheating if I only have one and no others? Thank god Sunday is Father's Day because at least then I'll get to have a piece of cake. Quitting the smokes and the sugar at the same time might not have been the best idea ever.

Well, I did it

2008-06-11T11:26:00.007-05:00

I made it through the first 72 hours without smoking. Since the physical addiction only lasts for that long I figure I'm mostly in the clear. Within the next couple of weeks the psychological addiction should be waining. It really hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be but I have experienced some of the normal side effects - headache, nausea, crabbiness. But in my defense, I think I've done pretty well.

Last night we had dinner with some of David's old friends who were in town visiting from Austin. It was pretty much like a therapy session for me. We were discussing politics and the political process and they pretty much sucked me into what I have been actively trying to avoid over the past few months. After all that research I did on human rights abuses and specifically genocide in the 20th century, coupled with my one-on-one daily work and relationships with refugees from Burundi and Myanmar, I was totally burned out. I'm pretty convinced at this point that that's why I got so sick. After I quit my job in January and took a break from the research (which I need to start again soon if I hope to get that genocide paper published before I graduate) I sort of sank into the abyss that is my mind, otherwise known as My Cave.

My Cave is a very safe place that revolves around me. It is made up of pretty much nothing but "me time" and offers the opportunity for solitude and retrospection. I've spent the last six months in this Cave and have learned a lot about myself, where I am in life, and where I want to be. Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband who let me go to this quiet place to recuperate from what has been a very emotionally, mentally, and physically draining couple of years.

My body is healing. My brain and heart are fine. My kidney functions seem to be getting back to normal, as there is no longer blood in my urine. The bowel incontinence I was experiencing is completely gone, and I just generally feel better. I took the dog for a nice long sweat-inducing walk this morning for the first time in months.

Last Wednesday I had a very painful procedure done to both of my feet. I have been diagnosed with plantar fasciitis in both feet and needed steroid shots in both of my heels. The needles were 1 1/2 inches long and it was quite painful but didn't even come close to the pain suffered in child birth (which is apparently my gauge for all pain now.) I was off my feet for a good two days after the procedure and then it took a couple more days to be able to walk without limping. I'm still experiencing pain, especially in my left foot, but the steroids weren't a magic cure. At some point I might have to have surgery to correct the problems but I'm hoping that with my continued weight loss and overall attempt at taking much better care of myself both mentally and physically, I'll be able to overcome the foot thing without surgery.

My knees and hips are still giving me problems and the medication I need to take to help those issues makes me very confused and forgetful. Last weekend I had a slight mental breakdown because I was so not myself. I am a wonderful and caring person who occasionally (read: most of the time) allows things to exit my mouth without a lot of forethought. But despite my inability to hold my tongue, I am still a beautiful and great individual. But lately I've been feeling more like a zombie who has become a slave to various medications. I've lowered the dosage of the Lyrica and Relafin myself (after leaving a message for my rheumatologist telling him I was doing so) and the confusion and short-term memory loss seems to have begun correcting themselves naturally. My goal is to be completely drug free within a year.

One unfortunate side-effect of several of the drugs I'm on is tinnitus. If you have ever suffered from this then you know how it slowly drives you insane. I can't hear out of my left ear and what I do hear sounds like it's coming from miles away and is very "tinny." I know that's not really a word or a way to describe a sound but I don't know how else to describe it. My primary care physician (PCP) has changed some of my medications, but quite frankly, I'm getting really sick of her treatment plans for me. I finally asked to be referred to a psychiatrist in order to have a complete pharmacological work up done of my medications. I want to know in extreme detail exactly what I'm taking and the side effects of each drug. I'm sick of medicine but when I try to stop taking them I get really sick. It amuses me that in the various physicians attempts to keep me from becoming addicted to pain medication they have now made me become an addict to several of the other drugs they've prescribed.

So all in all, I'm doing well. I've lost seven pounds in the last week and am attempting to get back into a regular exercise regimen that includes the low impact activities of walking and yoga. Yoga does more for me than any other exercise, both mentally and physically. I usually wake up earlier than the boys so I figure I can get the hour long yoga session in every morning before going for my walk with the dog. Once I have some of my strength and balance back I'd also like to go back to Tai Chi, which is one of the most beautiful and relaxing ways to work the body and the mind equally.

My house is in disarray and so that's another goal for myself. Jack is leaving town for a little over two weeks and I'm looking forward to getting a lot of work done around the house while he's away. It is almost impossible to get a house in order when there's a complaining 12-year-old at every turn. One of my greatest weaknesses right now is in dealing with him and his pre-teen issues. My mother was so great during my pre-teen years and I wish I had even half of the patience she displayed. There are days when he drives me so crazy that I used to just put myself in time out and go outside and smoke. That's not an option anymore, just like eating Nerds is out. So I've got to find new ways of dealing with him that don't involve those vices or popping a Xanax everytime he's being a shithead.

The discussion last night with really intelligent and well-informed people took me aback. I wasn't expecting to get inspired to start getting re-involved in the political process. I was seriously so burnt out six months ago that I literally dropped out of everything. I figured I'd let the primary play itself out, I'd vote for who the people I trust were voting for, and I justified it by saying I needed a little vacation from it and therefore would trust that those who are smarter than me would eventually help me figure it all out. Now that I'm learning more about the candidates, I'm really glad that Obama won the primaries. I'm sure as the election season heats up I'll have more to say but for right now Obama still freaks me out just enough that I'm not really ready to discuss in detail why I'm voting for him. Hopefully I'll figure it all out soon so that I can share it with everyone.

Suffice to say that I'm feeling much more mentally and physically stable and centered than I have in a very long time. Hopefully this will translate itself into much more trivia played with friends, being able to go off the drugs so I can get back to my normal margarita lifestyle, and more happiness and contentment displayed by me so that I can take the burden of my health and well-being off the shoulders of my family. Out of all three of us, I think it's been harder on them than it has been on me. And let me say that without David there's no way I could've done this. I've come to a point in my life where I've hit rock bottom and have been able to see that I am quite capable of clawing my way back to the top. Depression and OCD are very dangerous things to suffer from and if you've never had the experience of either condition, I would suggest that you be very patient with those around you that are suffering from them. I've seen darkness, I've seen suicide as an option, I've seen my family and friends rally around me, and now I'm starting to see the hope that I prayed still existed.

The last year has been huge for me. I've gone through so many life changes that I honestly think I was just too overwhelmed. I totally freaked out and had my mental and physical breakdown. I think the final straw was my grandmother's death in January. Even though for me her funeral was a joyous occasion because I know she wouldn't have wanted to live with Alzheimer's for as long as she did, it was still very difficult to deal with my insane extended family for an entire weekend. But I do think I've grown from the experience. I've only experienced this level of depression and craziness one other time in my life and it was after my divorce. But I think this time might've been a little different. It's lasted longer and I've had to rely solely on myself to find my way out of that dark place.

It's been a struggle and I've fought some of the battles that come with depression and I've let others roll over me and consume me. It has not been easy. I hope to never have to go through it again. But I'm taking charge of my life now and am trying to make myself a better person because of what I've just experienced. I hope that I am now more compassionate and level-headed because of it, but I hope I haven't lost my fiery spirit and sharp tongue because of it. Please bear with me if I seem socially awkward or unable to hold my tongue for awhile. I've noticed that I've been saying even more lately than usual. I don't know if that's because of my new-found self-esteem or if it's just another manifestation of the depression and OCD that hasn't yet gone away.

Either way, I love you all. You've supported me in ways I wasn't expecting. You've been there for me, whether it's getting coffee or having lunch or talking to me on the phone for hours. You are the family I have chosen and I hope that our bonds only grow stronger because of this.

Mindy, I know you might not read this because you stay away from the internet, but you have provided me with solace, comfort, and advice that no one else could've given me. You are my best friend and you know what you mean to me. You have been my shoulder to cry on and my strength and inspiration to keep going and fighting for myself.

Renee, Erica, and Sharon - I literally owe you my life. You are very strong women in very different ways and I admire and trust each and every one of you.

Harold and Brad, you've supported me in ways you might not ever truly understand. Your inner strength has spoken volumes to me and I've watched you and learned from you over these months.

Becky, what can I say? You're my other best friend and I love you. The murder mystery party wouldn't have happened without you and your patience with my insanity has been amazing. I don't think I would've made my way out of this without you and your humor. "Or maybe midgets. Except we need to be careful about getting them all riled up so they don't start a revolution that escalates into a midget uprising. My knees are bad enough already."

David, there are no words to express what you have done for me. You are my favorite and always will be. On the cusp of our first wedding anniversary I can only say that the support you have shown for me over the past six months will hopefully translate into a beautiful and exciting future for the both of us and our family. You are my life and I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for you.

And to my internet friends. The blogs I read and the friendships that have been cultivated because of that. As cheesy as it sounds, your support in the form of emails, comments, etc. has had an immeasurable effect upon my mental health. The world is a very big and isolating place but our connections here seem to make it a bit smaller and more friendly.

This blog entry has turned into this whole thing that I hadn't really planned. I mostly just wanted to let you know that I've quit smoking and have lost seven pounds. But there's been so much going on with me for so long now that I guess I just felt it was time to share what I'm able to share right now. Hopefully as I get further away from this situation I've found myself in I'll gain a new perspective and will be able to share more with you. Thanks for listening (reading) and for sticking by me.

Chantix: Day 2

2008-06-02T13:35:00.002-05:00

Well, that little experiment is over.

While Chantix might be good for some people, it is definitely not good for me. The details of last night are really too still strong to try and write about them now but maybe I will later.

I did some research and one of the first things I found out was that people with fibromyalgia should not be taking Chantix. Also, people who suffer from insomnia or other sleep disturbances should not take this drug. There are several other reasons it's not the right one for me but I'm too tired and really need sleep before it will all make sense enough to put into words.

If you need to quit smoking, please don't automatically trust that your doctor will do the best thing for you. Do a lot of research for yourself before you decide. Should be easy to remember by now, right?

I'm going to research more into the patch and see if I think it'd be better for me but whether I decide to use that method or not, my quit date remains the same. David has helped me quit before and he's committed to helping me now. He'll be rationing my cigarettes for the rest of the week to help me taper and then Saturday is the final day.

So wish me luck. It's not easy to quit smoking but I've done it before and I can do it again. Maybe this time it'll stick; that's my goal. But I'm just imperfect enough to know that I might start again. Maybe that's all it'll take to finally quit for good - the awareness that smoking is one of my strongest vices and probably will be for the rest of my life so that thought might be enough to stay away from my own personal crack forever.

We'll see.

Is it the Chantix?

2008-06-02T04:37:00.005-05:00

- Awake since 4 a.m.
- Nowhere near going back to sleep. Haven't had this sleep issue in months.
- Nauseas. Stomach pain.
- Awakened by most vivid dream I've had in years. Dream? I meant nightmare.
- Feel very nervous/twitchy.

Wherein I Go Batshit Insane; aka, The Most Romantic Day of My Life

2008-06-01T22:38:00.013-05:00

Let me preface this by saying, as most of you know, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and take Paxil CR to keep it in check. I was diagnosed with the condition over 12 years ago but I've had it all my life so I'm rather used to it. It's kind of like a soul-mate or a best friend.

Today David and I were sitting on the back porch as I chain-smoked (see previous post) when a huge-ass mosquito landed on my Birkenstocked-up foot and started sucking quite a bit of blood from me. As soon as I felt it I slammed my foot down upon the patio so hard that my shoe flew off. Anyway, drama over. Mosquito bite on my foot, not the biggest deal ever.

Well, as David continued to sit there with me as I chain-smoked (and judged me for it in his mind, I'm sure,) that damn mosquito decided to make its presence known once again by landing on my left arm. My first instinct, which I followed, was to slam my right hand down upon the mosquito as quickly and as hard as I could. That's normal, right? Well once I pulled my hand off and saw the horror that was upon me, I hit panic attack central.

There were blood and guts and splayed-out mosquito all over my arm and my hand had a huge blood spot on it. (As an aside, I couldn't actually see the guts but you know they had to be there.) As I'm sitting there with my arm and hand held out for David to see, with a look of horror on my face, saying, "Oh my god oh my god oh my god I'm going to die this will actually kill me oh my god I'm going to have to cancel coffee with Erica so I can take a shower oh my god I'm actually dying right now I can feel the breath leaving my body oh my god," over and over again, my husband LEAPT from his chair and ran inside like a man on fire.

He came back outside within seconds, but I must admit that it felt like years, and he handed me a TISSUE. A TISSUE. Like that was going to do me any good. "A tissue?! A TISSUE?!" I screamed at him, grabbing what happened to be what I'm sure was a perfectly good napkin (but I swear it looked like a tissue at the time) and proceeded to scrub the ever-loving shit out of my arm and hand. When that didn't work, I, (and I am so ashamed to admit this that I'm afraid I'll have to turn in my OCD decoder ring AND membership card) dipped that napkin in the dog's bowl of water and once again began to scrub vigorously.

David seeing how panic stricken and INSANE I had become ran back inside to grab what I assumed to be wet paper towels so that I could continue the scrubbing process. When he returned, he handed me, (what I had never thought of nor would ever have assumed he would think of in a million years,) a bottle of hand-sanitizer.

And this is how I know that I married the right man.

Chantix: Day 1

2008-06-01T22:04:00.003-05:00

I started the non-smoking pill Chantix today. Today is the first day of the last week that I will be smoking. Hopefully. This stuff supposedly works on some part of your brain that blocks the addiction, yada, yada, yada, and in six months I should be cured. Or something.

Next Saturday is my official "quit day." I'm supposed to smoke for the first week (up to a pack a day if I can, but I doubt I'll be able to) and then quit officially on a specific day. Since I'll be on the drug for six months I doubt I'll update every day but I thought I'd give it a go for a little while, anyway.

Today was mostly good except that I've felt kind of jittery and like the world's in slow motion and I'm moving at regular speed. Usually it's the other way around for me so today has been interesting.

The last time I "officially" quit smoking was while I was still in the Navy and I used the patch. It worked to help me quit but it gave me TMJ because I started gritting and grinding my teeth instead. I still do that to this day. Guess I'll have to start chewing gum or something. Or get one of those mouth guard thingies again.

My sister-in-law said this drug made her really grumpy but I figure I'm already grumpy so how much worse can it get?

I've had this prescription for almost two months now without filling it. Last week a cardiologist called me to tell me that I have a narrowing of my right carotid artery. The time to quit smoking is right now.

Tomorrow I go visit the cardiologist to figure out what all of this means. I'm scared and nervous and am pretty sure that's why I had my mental breakdown last week.

I asked the doctor if it was because I'm fat and he said that he's seen people smaller than me with this and people bigger than me without it, so weight isn't the number one issue. But I'm pretty sure weight plus the smoking plus the other health issues that have been plaguing me are what's causing the problem...oh and the fact that I don't eat the healthiest diet ever.

So today is Chantix: Day 1. Hopefully it'll work. Hopefully I won't have to have surgery. Hopefully my heart isn't completely broken. Hopefully I won't die. Hopefully I can finally and completely quit smoking forever.

Disregard the previous post

2008-05-30T13:40:00.005-05:00

I found my stable place again so I'll just chalk the previous post up to giving my anger to the internet. I'm not saying I'll be able to clean the stupid kitchen or bake the cookies, but at least I finally stopped progress. I think I've grown.

Some days are bad

2008-05-30T12:16:00.006-05:00

And others are worse. Today is one of the "worse" ones. I have pain from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, but mostly on the bottom of my feet.

Most of my bad days are okay. I mean, they suck, but they don't suck quite as much as this one does. Usually I'm able to recognize pretty quickly after getting out of bed that this will be a bad day and I know I'll be sleeping a lot and reading or just lying on my back for most of the day.

But today I had plans. I was going to clean my kitchen. Is it too much to ask that I just be allowed to clean my own kitchen? My god, I just want to CLEAN MY KITCHEN yet all I can do is sit here with this pain that seems to be taunting me and cry.

I was supposed to make cookies for a dear friend who's having her own issues. I can't even do that now. Do you know how much it sucks to not be able to keep your word on something like that?

I wanted to go to the grocery store. I wanted to buy food for my family. I wanted to be able to walk across the room without almost passing out.

I wanted, I wanted, I wanted...

But I never get what I want.

All I can do, literally, is sit here and cry. And there's nothing anybody can do about it. What will the doctors do? Give me shit for wanting pain meds? I don't want their stupid drugs anyway. I shouldn't have to take all those fucking drugs just to CLEAN MY KITCHEN.

The pain sucks but the news about my heart sucks more. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? The thought of it makes me want to vomit and I want surgery right now to fix it. But that's not going to happen because how can I call the doctor to tell him how freaked out I am when all I can do is sit here and cry?

I feel like a bad wife and a worse mother. Am I the wife that has the fucking kitchen clean? Am I the mother that takes her son and the dog out for a walk or bike ride? No, of course I'm not. Because I'm living in hell and all I can do is sit here and cry about it and feel sorry for myself because I have no control over my own life anymore.

I don't feel sorry for myself too often. Usually I just tell myself to suck it up because it'll be better tomorrow. It has to be better tomorrow. But I just can't do that today. Why? Because I can't clean my kitchen and I can't stop crying. I'm a snotty, sloppy, wet mess who can't stop crying not even when my dog and baby kitty climb on me to lick my face where my tears are.

Okay God or the Powers that Be or whatever the hell is out there, FINE. You win. I give up. This fucking whatever the fuck disease that you've given me has beaten me. Maybe not forever, hopefully not for long, but for today, you win. I give. I'm going to sit here and cry until all the tears in the entire fucking universe are used up and then I'm going to go steal some more from somewhere else. YOU WIN. Are you happy now? You broke me. You took my life from me.

You win. The Power in the 'verse has stopped me.

HUGE

2008-05-28T10:44:00.002-05:00

The size of this just proves how awesome our baby kitty is. That thing is HUGE!

Ugh

2008-05-27T11:37:00.001-05:00

This story saddens and sickens me.

MMP, Part 2

2008-05-27T11:02:00.002-05:00

It should be said that David and Becky pulled the party together at the last minute. I was so sick and they just got together and did it. They handled all the last minute things that needed handling and they gave the party-goers a great time.

So thanks D & B, I owe you both big time.

Murder Mystery Party

2008-05-27T09:29:00.003-05:00

Sunday was fun but I learned so much I'm already working on another one. Who's in?

A New Day

2008-05-22T07:10:00.003-05:00

For the past 4 1/2 days I have been in agony. Any movement of any part of my body has made me want to either scream or cry. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the worst) I was definitely a 10. Today I woke up and am at about a 7. So YAY! The doctors were right. This is my second day not being on Levaquin and it could take a few more days to completely get it out of my system so here's hoping it's gone before this weekend!

I was right

2008-05-21T13:20:00.002-05:00

I saw my rheumatologist this morning and he was very surprised that my primary care physician would prescribe me that particular drug. He said it'll take a few days to get the drug out of my system but that I should be fine after that. Of course, with me "fine" is relative.

Corticosteroids

2008-05-20T10:47:00.002-05:00

And did I mention the risks of taking Levaquin while being on a corticosteroid regimen? Like the one I've been on and off of for the past five months? Or like this inhaler she prescribed me to use with the Levaquin?

I really do hate everything right now.

Levaquin

2008-05-20T09:53:00.003-05:00

When a doctor prescribes you a drug, don't you just automatically assume they know what they're doing? I was prescribed an antibiotic called Levaquin for bronchitis and a possible upper respiratory infection and let me tell you, the side effects are not worth it.

I've been sitting (read: lying) here in agony for 2 1/2 days now not having any idea what's going on. I started the drug on Friday and by Saturday I was experiencing pretty severe panic attacks (or, as I thought at the time, a possible heart attack.) Guess what? Side effect of Levaquin. Why in the name of the FSM would you prescribe something that causes panic attacks to someone who already experiences panic attacks?

And the headache. Oh my god, it's like a migraine - only worse. I won't even try to describe the pain in my muscles and joints, which I say again, why on earth would you prescribe this drug to someone when it causes painful inflammation and TENDONS TO BURST in someone who already has those problems naturally??

And to top it all off, the stupid drug doesn't seem to be helping with the bronchial whatever it is anyway. So all this pain and suffering is for NOTHING.

I almost simultaneously passed out and vomited about an hour ago. Again, let's try prescribing something that doesn't cause dizziness or nauseousness in someone already experiencing those things!

I can't type anymore. It hurts too badly. I hate everything.

Men At Work

2008-05-20T07:05:00.003-05:00

Here is today's theme song:

Ain't nothing gnna break my stride,
Nobody´s gonna slow me down,
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving...

Vitas_Opera #2 (俄文+中文字幕)

2008-05-14T10:20:00.001-05:00

Same song. Just ignore the subtitles. It'll be worth it.

Vitas- Opera 2

2008-05-14T10:19:00.001-05:00

Just watch, you won't regret it.

It Could Happen To You

2008-05-13T18:54:00.003-05:00

Like a Virgin

2008-05-12T14:08:00.004-05:00

"I made it through the wilderness..."

Anyway, today I mowed the lawn. That's impressive on several levels. (I had to mow because David didn't have time this weekend and we're expecting rain for the next three days and that means we might not be able to mow for another week which means that we'd be dealing with the YARD OF DOOOOOM.)

First of all, I had the energy to mow. Sweet.

Second, I'm having a horrible allergic reaction to something. I've got this rash all over my face and it's spread a bit onto my chest and my back. The doctor said it's because of too many steroids. Thank you very much. But now I've got this horrible cough (that could be due to the tetanus/diphtheria/whooping cough vaccination I got last week - seriously? Diphtheria? Whooping cough? I live in DALLAS, people,) and irritation in my bronchial tubes (or whatever the hell gets irritated in there.) SO much snot. Seriously. So I mowed the lawn even amidst those irritations. There's no telling what I breathed in out there so I'm sure the allergy situation won't get any better any time soon.

So anyway, while I was mowing I realized I was talking gangsta smack to the weeds. It was very strange yet hilarious. (When I did it out loud I sounded more like a hick than a gangsta, but it amused me nonetheless.)

Whilst mowing I also had "Leaving on a Jet Plane" in my head. It drove me crazy. So when I had to leave to take the gas can to get more gas for the mower, I plugged in my Zune and listened to that song. My Zune said it was by Bjork and P.J. Harvey, but it's so totally not. It's definitely a remake of the original but it's not Bjork and I have no idea who P.J. Harvey is. Rest assured, several of you will be receiving that song via email today so that you can help me figure out who is actually singing.

And now I can't get "Like a Virgin" out of my head. I blame Grey's Anatomy. It's a whole thing.

So after I'm done mowing, I go take a shower. When I get out, Lola wants to play with me so I bend down to play with her and would you believe that little fucker bit me so hard that she drew blood?! Seriously. She's on my list.

Now the baby cat is attacking my back, Chloe is sacked out on the couch, and Lola's off sulking somewhere because I yelled at her when she DREW MY BLOOD. Imagine that.

Anyway, here's hoping you're making it through the wilderness today. I definitely am...just like a virgin.

Oh teh cute!

2008-05-12T10:30:00.002-05:00

Such sleepy goodness.

Milestone

2008-05-10T09:36:00.001-05:00

Our little cat can now pee and poop on his own. No more butt massages! YAY!

A Wonderous Day

2008-05-09T12:38:00.004-05:00

Today, for the very first time in our relationship, my wonderful husband sent me flowers. They are for Mother's Day and the card was wonder and perfect and full of the love and dorkiness that is my husband. He is perfect to me and I love him with all of my heart.

After a very trying morning due to health issues which I shall discuss later in a health update, the flowers arrived and the card made me burst into tears. I'm going to keep the card private for now because it made me cry for a good 20 minutes, but hopefully I'll want to share it with the rest of the world soon.

My point is, I love my husband. He is wonderful and gracious and kind. And there is no other man on the face of this earth that I could possibly love more.

I'll post pictures of the roses as soon as they rehydrate (per the instructions on the little plant food envelope.)

Oh, and did I mention that I love my perfect husband?

Haiku

2008-05-05T07:38:00.001-05:00

Spring is in the air.
Birds are fucking everywhere.
On the ground? Beware.

Meet Emerson!

2008-04-22T22:14:00.008-05:00

The newest member of our family. This little baby kitten joined us last Thursday during the rain storm when his mama apparently abandoned him. He's named after a member of Emerson, Lake, & Palmer, one of David's favorite bands.

He's so tiny that I can hardly stand it. We're bottle feeding him right now but soon hopefully he'll be joining a litter of kittens with a real cat mama.

Look! She has a tail!

2008-04-21T16:50:00.002-05:00

Weird shit

2008-04-17T11:25:00.003-05:00

I woke up around 6:45, put my robe and hat on, just like I do every morning, and took the dog out into the backyard. As soon as I put my hat on one spot on the back of my head started hurting really badly. So I took off the hat and realized there was a bump there and that the surrounding area was what was hurting. I had David take a look at it and he didn't notice any discoloration or anything out of the ordinary except that there was this bump on my head. We figured something was in the hat and bit or stung me but the pain wasn't sharp enough to be black-widow-ish.

So later this morning, at about 10:30, I go to take my shower. (There was all this drama with this baby kitten in the backyard whose mother wouldn't take care of her, etc. so it took longer than normal for me to get in the shower. More on the kitten later.) After I got out of the shower I was rubbing the towel over my hair and then I combed my hair. At this point, I ran my fingers through my hair and noticed a second bump about an inch to the left of the first one. It doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the first one and it hasn't gotten as swollen as the first one.

Since then the original bump has swollen enough to encompass the part around it that was hurting and the pain is constant. Sometimes it's a dull ache but other times it's a sharp pain. The second bump has not yet had that ring around it that hurt like the first one did.

I have no idea what these bumps are. David said my brain was probably slowly exploding due to the cuteness (again, more on the kitten later.) But I don't know. What could it be? Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this before?

Health Update

2008-04-16T16:56:00.003-05:00

Confirmed diagnoses of fibromyalgia and bursitis. Medication should help the pain and if it doesn't, I'll start getting injections into such places as my shoulders and hips. Good times.

Lupus is on its way back. It's not back yet but my repeated blood tests show that it is slowly returning. From now on it's SPF 30, wide-brimmed hat, linen shirts for Holly. That all sucks but I'd rather deal with it this way than to actually have a huge flare up. Hopefully the rheumatologist caught it in time to stop a full blown emergence. The butterfly rash on my face is slowly getting worse so even though the blood tests don't show positive for lupus, all of the appropriate signs are in place to show that it is indeed trying to make a comeback. It's okay though, I'm scrappy, I'll kick it's ass. I did it once before, I can do it again.

Next is a cardiologist to check my heart valves. With last week's diagnosis of syncope, there could be heart valve issues. Could be due to the strep (which would date back to the Rheumatic Fever I had in about 2003) they found in a urine sample I gave or it could be due to the lupus. We'll see.

Oh, another thing they found was hematuria, which basically just means there's blood in my urine. That could mean kidney involvement but the urine sample I gave today should help to figure that out. Multiple organ involvement with lupus is always a problem so gotta make sure those kidneys aren't giving out on me.

So slowly but surely the diagnoses are coming. The main concern that overrides everything else is to try to stop lupus from having the opportunity to knock me down again. The preventative measures should help somewhat. No more sun for me!

Know of any non-sun related ways to get lots of Vitamin D into my system?

And also...

2008-04-15T17:05:00.003-05:00

Check your damn Snopes, people. Stop forwarding me emails that tell me the next way I'm going to be murdered, raped, or car-jacked without checking to make sure it's true. Life is stressful enough to have to worry about false random violence.

Poll

2008-04-15T17:01:00.001-05:00

Weird

2008-04-10T16:19:00.002-05:00

So tomorrow I'm not having an EKG but an EEG. Maybe they're trying to see if I'm some sort of alien species or something? Next thing you know they'll be cutting me open to see if I have two hearts or something.

More likely it's to see if the falling and passing out is due to seizures but my neurologist said my descriptions of the events didn't sound like seizures to me. Whatever.

Life is just horrible...

2008-04-10T15:09:00.003-05:00

...when all you have to do is lay around on the couch all day getting belly rubbin's.

Actual Conversation

2008-04-09T18:32:00.002-05:00

Me: I've been feeling really bad lately. I feel like I don't contribute enough around here, especially financially. I feel guilty when I spend money that I haven't earned and I just don't feel right about our current situation. I feel like I'm letting you down somehow.

David: No, no, no. Don't feel bad. You're not letting me down. I never would've learned how to make a casserole if I hadn't met you!

New Health Update/Actual Conversation

2008-04-09T12:12:00.006-05:00

Today my primary care physician told me not to expect to be able to go back to work anytime soon because of the syncope and waiting for all of the tests that have been done and that will soon be done on my heart.

She also prescribed me a pill that should help me stop smoking. You smoke for the first week you take the pill but after that no more cigarettes and you continue the pill for three to six months or until the urge is gone. Even though I don't really smoke too much the habit is growing with my cabin fever and I want to put a stop to it before I'm back to smoking a pack or more a day.

Also, I received the best prescription ever today. She prescribed me to host more murder mystery parties! She said she could tell I was really excited about it and that she wished she could come and that it'll help ward off the boredom of my current (non)life.

Sometimes doctors don't totally suck.

So I go to Presbyterian Hospital on Friday for an EKG and after that I visit a cardiologist. So now that's five doctors working on my case. I don't know if I should feel special or scared!

On a side note, next I'll be receiving my WWE. Sounds cool, huh? But it's really just code for pap smear (women's wellness exam.) Here's where the Actual Conversation takes place:

Me: It's time for my yearly pap smear.

Doctor: Oh, we can do that here. But not today. We'll have to schedule it.

Me: Oh, I don't want to do it today. I'm not ready.

Doctor: Oh? Why? Do you need time to prepare yourself mentally?

Me: No, it's because I think of preparing for a pap smear in the same way as I think of preparing for a hot date.

Doctor: (After laughing.) I can definitely tell you're feeling better.

Health Update

2008-04-06T16:06:00.006-05:00

Last night I slept for 7 1/2 hours without taking the sleeping tranquilizer that my doctor prescribed to me. That's a good thing. A very good thing.

I've now had two official medical diagnosis. One is the severe vitamin D deficiency (I think the steady diet of cow breast milk and sun is doing its job) and the second is syncope.

Basically syncope means that I lose consciousness for a few seconds when I stand too fast from a bending position or sitting/laying position or do something that would cause my blood pressure to fall too quickly. Lying down I had a BP of 138/72 and standing up it was 90/30. So, looks like we've figured out what's going on with all the falling and fainting spells. Yay!

So next I see my primary care physician who will do some checking of my medications to see if there's any changes that need to be made there, then I'll get an EKG, and from there I'll visit a cardiologist.

I had Rheumatic Fever about eight years ago so my heart valves need to be checked to make sure they're not involved in this blood pressure thing.

So, it's wait and see time again. But at least it's not MS! Stupid doctors.

On a scale of 1 to 10 ...

2008-04-03T16:25:00.007-05:00

How lame does it make me that I just had tears in my eyes while watching The Girls Next Door when they announced the Playmate of the Year 2007, Sara Jean Underwood?

IN MY DEFENSE, I have not had either of my two naps that I normally get every day (at least for the past three months anyway) so I might be feeling a teeny bit over-emotional. Shut up, emo happens.

Actual Conversation

2008-04-01T19:47:00.003-05:00

My telephone rings, I don't recognize the number, and it has just awakened me from a nap.

Voice: Hi, this is Amy from Dr. Mays office calling to confirm your appointment for Thursday at 1 o'clock.

Me: I don't know any Dr. Mays. Are you sure it's not Drs. Akin, Rosen-Schmidt, Ophthalmologist guy whose name I can't remember, or Patel? Oooo, I bet it's ophthalmologist guy since I can't remember his name, right?

Voice: Um, no, actually it's your dentist. This is for your six month check up.

Me: Oh, thanks. I'll be there.

And to top it off...

2008-04-01T08:09:00.001-05:00

My right hand is all out of whack today. My thumb, forefinger, middle finger, and half of my ring finger (the 1/2 closest to my middle finger) are all numb and tingly. Kind of like when your hand falls asleep but different.

I really just want my life back.

Help Me

2008-03-31T23:34:00.004-05:00

Brainstorm with me:

1. Why would a person fall down for no obvious medical reason?

2. Why would a person fall into walls for no obvious medical reason?

3. Why would a person lose consciousness at least twice for several seconds each time for no obvious medical reason?

4. Why would a person whose only obvious diagnosis is a severe vitamin D deficiency and possible fibromyalgia be experiencing all these other problems for no obvious medical reason?

5. Why would a person who sleeps 7 hours a night, takes a 2-3 hour nap in the morning, and a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon be having all these problems, including exhaustion all the time for no obvious medical reason? (And believe me, the naps are not intentional. I just get to a point where if I don't lay down I will fall and sleep where I fall.)

6. Why would a person be able to read (or do anything else up close) only with their right eye for no obvious medical reason?

7. Why would a person drop random things for no obvious medical reason?

8. Why does one leg or the other just seem to drag for no obvious medical reason?

9. Why would a person mix up words or slur words for no obvious medical reason?

10. Why would 3 after 4 doctors accuse a person of being crazy instead of actually trying to diagnose them? How would it even be possible to fake falling, losing one's balance, or passing out for no obvious medical reason?

11. Why would a person be in constant pain - muscles, bones, joints, skin - for no obvious medical reason?

12. Why would a person experiencing all of these things hate life so much for no obvious medical reason?

Somebody done got shorn

2008-03-31T11:21:00.003-05:00

Milk, it does a body good

2008-03-27T13:35:00.005-05:00

But it also makes me gag every time I have to drink it. But drink it I must in order to boost vitamin D in my system. Do you think it's cheating if I add strawberry or chocolate syrup to it to make it more palatable?

This literally makes my heart hurt

2008-03-25T12:46:00.004-05:00

I'm saddened to know that this is going on and even sadder that it's happening in Dallas. To think, Jack is only a year and a few months away from being the age of this "pimp." It hurts.

Maybe it's the breast milk...

2008-03-21T18:26:00.002-05:00

I've been losing my balance again a lot today and at one point fell through the screen door while trying to let Chloe out. No damage to me but the door will need some attention that I will be unable to give it. Not sure why I've started experiencing this again but I'll be calling the doctors on Monday to see if they have any idea. I'm going to take a nap now to see if that helps.

I think I've grown as a person

2008-03-21T16:15:00.005-05:00

Today I drank a full glass of vitamin D fortified breast milk from a cow. And yesterday I poured some over my bowl of vitamin D fortified cereal too. This could either be a sign of the impending apocalypse or possibly that I'm actually taking a doctor's advice.

Addition to Jack's Health Post

2008-03-20T15:17:00.002-05:00

I forgot to mention that Jack asked the doctor if she had any shots she could give him. He said it had been so long since he'd had any that he'd forgotten what they felt like. She obliged by vaccinating him against meningitis and also giving him a tetanus shot. He enjoyed it and now refuses to remove the bandages.

I might have spawned a little freak.

Jack's Health & Cleverness

2008-03-20T12:34:00.003-05:00

Today Jack was diagnosed with scoliosis. The doctor thinks physical therapy will be able to get everything back into its proper place so the prognosis looks really good.

As she was examining him she asked me how I was doing and I told her about last week's spinal tap to which Jack replied, "Yeah, her unnecessary spinal tap." It was hilarious.

As we were walking down the hallway to get Jack's x-rays, he informed me that he believes he's psychic and has dreams that predicts the future. David and I have explained to him many times the concept of deja vu and how the mind can play tricks on you but he still insists he's psychic. Fine whatever. People like what they like. I told him he can believe whatever he wants to believe because everyone believes in something. Well, he said, "David doesn't believe in anything." To which I replied that, "Well, David's a scientist. He believes in science." At which point my son informed me that none of that matters because science in not reality.

But the best comment he made today was when he asked me if scoliosis is generic. It's amazing how funny your kid can be at one moment and then not two minutes later you're wondering just how much jail time you'd get if you forced him to ride in the trunk for the rest of the trip home.

Health Update

2008-03-19T13:52:00.002-05:00

Saw the rheumatologist today. While he's not ready to "hang his hat on any one diagnosis," he thinks the vitamin D deficiency is my main problem with a side of fibromyalgia and a blood thing (that I don't remember the name of). He said he's glad the neurologist tortured me last week and the lumbar puncture was a good call. Since he doesn't have all of my blood work back yet he won't have an official diagnosis for about four weeks.

Treatment plan:

1. Vitamin D - take 50,000 IUs per week for eight weeks and get 10-15 minutes of sun on my face, arms, and legs at least three times a week.

2. Blood thing - take baby aspirin once a day to avoid blood clots. He explained it all to me but I don't remember all the details so once I get copies of my medical records from him I'll know more.

3. Fibromyalgia - stop the steroid treatment and go back on Mobic (anti-inflammatory) until further notice. If the pain comes back, the steroids were working and we'll work out a treatment plan. If the pain doesn't come back, YAY for no pain.

Other good news:

1. My kidneys, liver, and lungs look great. Couldn't be functioning better, actually. That's great news because he was originally afraid that the pneumonia I had in February was actually lupus lung involvement.

2. My overall level of pain is way less than it was three months ago. On a scale of one to ten, it was a ten three weeks ago. Today it's more like a six or seven. Once my back heals up from the lumbar puncture I bet it'll go down to five or six.

3. The double vision is completely gone. No more driving restrictions!

Not so great news:

1. I'm still extremely tired all the time. The fatigue is most likely attributed to fibromyalgia and the pain. He said my pain levels were so high that my body would naturally go to sleep as a coping mechanism. Whatever. I'd rather be tired than at a level 10 of pain.

Awesome news:

1. Today I went grocery shopping! I was exhausted when I was done but it felt so good to go out and do something so normal. David and I decided together (along with the advice from the doctors) that I should stay home from work and school for awhile to rest and heal. One of the things I've been doing lately to help make up for the fact that I no longer contribute financially to our family is clipping coupons. The grocery bill was $160 and I only had to pay $100 because I saved $60 just by clipping coupons! It felt great.

Well, that's all for now. Still don't know the results of the spinal tap from the neurologist or the rest of the blood work and x-rays from the rheumatologist but all in all my health is looking pretty good and that makes me happy.

As an aside, I'd like to offer my thanks to Heather and Becky for taking time off of work to care for me after the spinal tap since David had to be out of town for work. You guys were great and your being here with me during those two day and the fact that you successfully kept Jack from bugging the crap out of me says a lot about our friendships. Also thanks to Sharon for taking my phone calls at her work. Thanks to everyone else for the emails and get well cards. I love you guys and look forward to the day that I feel better so I can lick some cheese off your fingers, give you shots of tequila, or just hold you up because you are too far gone to stand up alone. I love you all!

The importance of vitamin D

2008-03-18T21:24:00.005-05:00

Various symptoms of a severe vitamin D deficiency include falling, muscle pain and weakness, joint pain, falling, high blood pressure/hypertension, depression, anxiety, ocd, insomnia, double vision, memory loss, loss of focus/concentration, fatigue, irritability, loss of appetite, imbalance, bowel incontinence, fibromyalgia, and other conditions.

Vitamin D deficiency can lead to many diseases and problems not mentioned above including breast (and other types of ) cancer, osteoporosis, bone fragility, rickets, osteomalacia, rheumatoid arthritis, and other auto-immune diseases.

I received a letter from my rheumatologist yesterday that contained a prescription for 50,000 IUs of vitamin D once a week for eight weeks. He has diagnosed me with a severe vitamin D deficiency that demands immediate attention. I have an appointment with him tomorrow so I don't know yet what else he has to say about all of the tests he ran but at least I know now that I have a condition that is highly treatable and reversible.

Which brings me to the point wherein I give my anger to the internet.

I wish I could describe to you the amount of pain I have been through over the past few weeks while enduring extremely painful and invasive procedures to see if I have MS. I had to have a fucking spinal tap for gods sakes. I had to have needles hooked up to electrical currents slammed into my muscles and then push against them to measure my level of muscle weakness. I had to have electrodes attached to various nerves around my body to see if I have any nerve damage. I have been to FOUR doctors, three of them specialists, who have each tortured me with their MRIs, CT scans, x-rays, needles, "donating" over 30 vials of blood, painful examinations, electricity, poking, prodding, fear that I have some life-threatening disease, and for what? What was all of that for?

One blood test. One simple blood test that showed I was severely lacking vitamin D that explains EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE SYMPTOMS I have been experiencing since last August. One blood test.

Now I don't know yet what the results from all those other tests will be but I am livid that my primary care physician didn't immediately do a vitamin D test before jumping to MS.

Don't get me wrong. I hope to God that the only thing wrong with me is that I have a severe vitamin D deficiency. But I'm still angry that I had to quit my job, drop out of school for the semester, live with extreme pain with every move I make for three months. Three months that I will never get back.

I loved my job. I loved the refugees. I grieve that I don't get to be with them anymore. My position has already been given to someone else and so the only hope I have for going back is to wait until someone quits.

And now my graduation will be set back even longer, which means I've lost valuable time with professors that have moved on and I won't get to graduate with most of the people I've been in classes with for the past three years.

One freaking blood test and it is possible that none of this would have happened. I'm sure that given a few more days and a little more perspective on the situation I will be able to accept it more graciously than I am right now. But still, one freaking blood test. It seems unbelievable to me.

Meme: Household Tips

2008-03-15T20:05:00.014-05:00

Many moons ago The Duckling tagged me for this meme. I forgot about it until today when I was catching up on my blog reading and decided to go ahead respond because I just might know a thing or two that everyone else knows and needs reminding about.

1. If you cut up onions and can't stand the odor on your hands afterwards, rub your hands along a pipe (such as the kitchen sink faucet pipe), and as long as it's not aluminum it should remove the odor.

2. Dryer sheets can be used for so much more than just laundry. Use them to get the dust off of your tv sets, or to dust anything really. They're also great in a pinch if you have to wear panty-hose and your pants get static cling. Just rub the dryer sheet up and down your hose (after putting them on) and your pants should be cling-free for the rest of day.

3. Don't have time to iron? Just spray your jeans, shirts, dresses, slacks, etc. with a water bottle, shake the item out a bit, and you should be living a mostly wrinkle free lifestyle.

4. To keep your jeans from getting all wrinkly in the dryer, just fold them as if you were putting them in a drawer and place them in the dryer that way. It might not remove all the wrinkles but it will definitely minimize them.

5. Resolve, Resolve, Resolve. That stuff is amazing. It'll get everything from dog pee to red wine out of your carpets.

6. Choose the least important household cleaning thing to you and make a conscious decision to let it go. My own personal least favorite thing to do is fold clothes. When the clothes come out of the dryer they go into three separate baskets (separated for each family member) and let them sit. If a person prefers their clothes folded, they'll fold them. When I have time I'll fold mine but I refuse to stress over unfolded clothes.

7. But my most important tip is to not try to be perfect. It's impossible to get everything done that needs to be done so don't be ashamed to have people over if your house isn't perfectly clean. And by the same token, don't be ashamed to invite people in when your house is a mess. They've seen messes before and even if they judge you for your mess, it doesn't really matter because they're not the ones that have to live there. (And if you ever drop by my house and I allow you inside even if it's messy, please tell me if my house smells like dog. I have no idea if it does but I don't want it to so I won't be offended if you mention it to me.) My motto when dealing with household things is to, "Let it go." When you're dead and buried no one will remember if you kept a perfect house but they will remember how you spent your time and what you tried to do to make the world a better place.

8. My final tip, which is less a household tip and more a parenting tip, is to recognize as soon as possible in your child's life that the person s/he will become is most likely not the person you were imagining during your nine months of pregnancy. The earlier you recognize this the sooner you can help your child grow into the person s/he was meant to be all along.

Now for the tagging part. Pretty much everyone I know in real life has already been tagged so I think I'll tag some of my online friends and see how that goes.

David - Because he's my husband and he knows everything. And also because of science.
The Fiendster - Because she's awesome and a Jack of all Trades.
Heather - Because she survived a brain tumor so surely she knows something about real life.
JASB - Because he seems handy around the house.
Addie - Because she has two kids, runs a household, has a full-time job, a husband, and volunteers at her church.
Emerald Wave - Because she's a hippy and has her own chickens and everything.
Lisa - Because she's an ex-cop and could probably kill you with her pinky.
Patrick - Because he builds cool models and knows stuff about cleaning up messes.
OhioDave - Because he just made it through and awesome snow storm and is very resourceful.
Emilie - Because she also has two kids and she has survived that so far without too much mental trauma.
Sandy - Because he's a really good cook and probably knows some interesting kitchen tips.

Pain

2008-03-10T16:44:00.009-05:00

Today I had one of the most painful experiences of my life. It rivaled childbirth. All I know was that by the end of the procedure I was lying on the exam table crying with David rubbing my feet and my neurologist apologizing for causing me so much pain. It took a good 30 minutes for me to be able to get up off that table without feeling like puking and I could barely dress myself. Then I had to sit in the chair for another few minutes to try and curb the tears so I could go get the order for the lumbar puncture that I have to endure next. Seriously? At what point will this stop?

Today's procedure involved various electrode things being attached to various nerves on the right side of my body as electricity was shot through them to prove, what? That I'm human? That I'm capable of feeling and enduring unbearable pain? I have no idea. But that's not what made me sob like a little baby to the point where I was afraid a couple of times that I might pass out or at the very least, hyperventilate. Before I knew it the doctor is sticking needles into my muscles and forcing me to push up against them.

The pain was blinding. I could feel the blood from the needle sticks and I felt like every single muscle was screaming. I still have the horrible headache that was caused by the pain. I seriously thought I was going to puke.

Let me give you some reference points. I gave birth 11 years ago to a 10 pound, 23 inch long baby. I did it naturally. I might have cussed a lot during that process but I didn't yell out and I definitely didn't cry. I puked my guts up and various other gross things but it never made me cry. Today, as was aforementioned, I was crying like a baby.

And there was nothing David could do. He rubbed my feet and and head and was generally very supportive of the situation, but he felt helpless to really offer any actual assistance. All the breathing exercises that helped me out during the electrode test were thrown out the window during the needle test.

I'm exhausted. I feel sick. I'm still nauseous. This is why I hate going to doctors. "Let's just poke her with a bunch of random stuff and see what happens! It'll be awesome!" Idiots. If they were so smart wouldn't they have figured all of this out by now? Seriously.

But now I have to sleep. I feel like I haven't slept in days. That procedure really kicked my ass. David was great and I don't know if I would have been able to endure it had he not been there. He very handy about getting me kleenexes.

And like I said before, next is a damn lumbar puncture. Through my tears I was able to ask the doctor if it's true that they'd now be able to tell all the secrets from my sordid past and she laughed at me. It was a whole thing.

Later on today I'll blog again about the awesomeness that ensued after the doctor's appointment wherein I got to go all bad-ass on some bullies in my 'hood. One of these days I'm either going to win an award for bad-assedness or I'll get knifed or shot. Any would be cool as long as I survived and got to be on the news or something.

Another threat to parental rights

2008-03-08T10:54:00.003-06:00

This from Time Magazine. Scary stuff. I'm too tired to expound much at the moment but I think the article speaks for itself. The courts, at the state or federal level, should not be trying to criminalize parents who home school.

Lola & Chloe

2008-03-08T00:38:00.011-06:00

Can it be? Are they going to finally learn to love one another?

Not so much.

Samantha Power & Barack Obama

2008-03-07T07:11:00.006-06:00

One of the people that I have a great deal of respect and admiration for, Samantha Power, believes that Obama can get the job done. She is one of the foremost human rights experts in the United States and her coverage of the Rwandan genocide, Darfur, and other crisis around the globe have inspired me and helped immeasurably in my own human rights research.

Here is a memo she wrote in August 2003 to "interested parties" that outlines several of Obama's foreign policy ideas and decisions that they hoped would "tie together ... a coherent campaign policy."

If I had known before today that she was backing Obama my decision on who to vote for in November would have been made a long time ago.

Learn more about her here.

Blogs

2008-03-06T22:00:00.003-06:00

If you need a laugh read the following two blog entries:

My New Thing to Do: We Did it Wrong

Life in the Carpool Lane: I'm a Bad Mother

The first is by my old criminal justice professor in college in Oklahoma (ex-cop) and the second is by my internet friend Addie.

Actual Conversation

2008-03-06T14:11:00.003-06:00

Scene: Me dropping off my prescription requests at the pharmacy.

Pharmacist: Have you been here before?

Me: Yes.

Pharmacist: When is your birthday?

Me: February 16, 1776.

Pharmacist: ...blank stare...

Me: I mean February 16, 1996.

Pharmacist: ...blank stare...

Me: I mean February 16, 1976!

Finally

2008-03-06T14:05:00.005-06:00

Do you know how good it feels to finally have a doctor who believes me and doesn't think I'm crazy? It feels about this good:
Of course, this isn't the only prescription the rheumatologist gave me but he is being aggressive and dealing with my issues quickly and surely. He's thinking lupus and rheumatoid arthritis with a little fibromyalgia thrown in for good measure. Good man.

Old health news

2008-03-05T09:44:00.014-06:00

I've had a Mirena IUD for almost a year now and I haven't had regular or heavy periods since it was inserted last April. But on Thanksgiving weekend of 2007 I started having one of the heaviest and most painful periods I've ever had in my life.

The cramping was horrible and I was ready to head to the emergency room and have the IUD removed immediately. The period lasted for almost two weeks and after the first few days, I realized that I was not only passing blood but also what appeared to be tissue and that my breasts were extremely tender, to the point that it was painful to put on a bra. The only other time in my life that my breasts were that tender was when I was pregnant with Jack.

I went to the doctor and she confirmed that I had gone through a miscarriage. It's strange because I thought with the IUD I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, but it does happen sometimes. I didn't know I was pregnant and we were not planning on having a baby so it was a relief to know that the IUD worked, even if it was a little slow to take up arms against an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

My breasts remained extremely tender for about six weeks from the time the bleeding started. And yes, my hormones were wacky and out of control. (Just like a full-term pregnancy, but without the pay-off of that cherubic face to smile at you when you make funny sounds with your mouth.)

It was a really strange experience and I don't really know the words yet to explain the emotional toll this has taken on me but one thing I do know is that I'm glad the IUD worked.

I think it's strange to live in a society that wants so hard to convince us that "life" begins at conception. My upbringing was very religious and I even attended several anti-abortion rallies when I was younger (and way more Republican.) Some people that knew about the miscarriage wanted me to grieve and be devastated by this loss of "life" (mostly the Catholics in my family that were at my grandmother's funeral in January) but I didn't feel devastated. I felt very emotional while it was happening but I blame that mostly on the hormones that were racing through my body.

It's moments like these that point out just how hard it is to get away from one's upbringing. I almost feel guilty for not feeling worse about the fact that I miscarried (which is an offensive word anyway because it makes it sound like it's somebody's fault, e.g. the woman's, because maybe if she'd carried the embryo or fetus just a little bit better it wouldn't have been expelled from her body as a gross painful mess of tissue and blood,) and for feeling so happy to have had proper birth control in place to help avert the crisis that would be a pregnancy at this time in our lives.

And that makes me feel weird too because I'm happily married and have such a wonderful family, why not add to it? But I'm too selfish. I want my life back someday. I don't want my life to only be about making and raising children. I have dreams and I want a career and I don't want that career to be about using my body as a baby-making machine. My brain is more valuable than that. (Little tip to those of you thinking of getting pregnant: it sucks. Pregnancy sucks, labor sucks, delivery sucks. It's gross, dirty, nasty, painful business. I'd be more than happy to provide you with more details if you so desire. And as for the stuff that comes after the labor and delivery, like the years of yourself that you must give up in order to raise responsible, compassionate, and non-homicidal or psychotic children, well, I've got a lot to say about that too.)

I think about all these things and I know that it might sound kind of crazy, but although I wasn't displeased to have miscarried (because the alternative, e.g. carrying a pregnancy to term or having to deal with abortion-related decisions would have been way worse,) I was a little sad. I don't understand it myself so I don't really expect you to either but I hope that at some point in the future, once I'm farther away from this, I'll gain some perspective and clarity on the situation and be able to understand exactly why it affected me the way it did.

I'm just thinking...

2008-03-04T19:48:00.002-06:00

Does anyone else sort of see Obama as a kind of Jasmine from Angel Season 4? I feel kind of like Fred and that if we don't vote for him we'll be ending world peace or something.

And yet another one

2008-02-29T17:58:00.003-06:00

I've been looking around on the internet to figure out what can cause a bulging disk in the L-spine 3-4 (I can't remember if I mentioned that diagnosis from the MRI reports from yesterday) and it looks like it can be due to joint degeneration, which is a side-effect of Rheumatoid Arthritis. This is good news to me. I'd rather have RA than cancer or a brain tumor or something.

'Nother Health Update

2008-02-29T10:19:00.004-06:00

So far every test they've run looks great. No tumors or anything in my brain (had 3 MRIs yesterday.) All the tests for MS have come back normal and everything so far looks good. Next week I meet with an ophthalmologist to discuss my blurred and double vision and then later that week I meet with a rheumatologist to discuss my joint/muscle issues.

My guess is that the falling/losing balance was due to an inner ear infection that wasn't diagnosed. I had been on two rounds of antibiotics and one round of steroids during the pneumonia and the inner ear test wasn't done until I had almost completely finished those treatments. The falling has definitely improved, however, I am still getting dizzy and having the vision problems. Hopefully the ophthalmologist will be able to help with both of those (assuming they're related.)

As for the joint/muscle pain, I still assume it's either another Lupus flare-up or Rheumatoid Arthritis. Either way, the treatments aren't too horrible and if one of those is the diagnosis, I should be back to "normal" within a few months.

All in all, so far pretty great news. Nothing horrible or surgery worthy and since I've been through one cycle of Lupus treatment before I know I can survive it with relatively little discomfort. I was able to take an oral chemotherapy treatment called methotrexate and really helped to get me back on my feet. The treatment for both conditions is very similar so all should be well if one of those is wins the prize for correct diagnosis. (And I might just provide sexual favors to one of the four doctors working on this that can finally figure out what's wrong!)

I will let you know more next week after I've met with the next two doctors. In the meantime I'll be taking it easy, hanging out with my boys and my pets and attempting to not poke my eyes out because of the lack of awesomeness on tv right now. (I really need to update my Netflix information.)

Chloe

2008-02-28T18:28:00.003-06:00

I finally got a semi-decent photo of Chloe, but of course it was taken with my camera phone and it was super-zoomed in so it's kind of tiny but hopefully you can still get a look at her. She only weighs about 12 pounds and is roughly the size of Lola, our cat. Hopefully I'll get a picture soon that offers some size comparison.

We'd been playing outside for about an hour at this point so she was an altogether happy dog. Unfortunately, several minutes after this picture was taken we were interrupted by Jack and she got all crazy again. Rehabilitation apparently takes a really long time. But since we've only had her for about 1 1/2 months, I still have hope that she can become a "normal" dog.

Good Days & Bad Days

2008-02-27T23:00:00.003-06:00

I have good days and bad days. If I have to do something that requires me to leave the house it usually takes about 2 days to recover from it. Everything tires me out so completely that I'm getting 8 or so hours of sleep at night and then taking about 2 naps a day.

Mostly things are still up in the air. I met with a neurologist last week and I'm getting MRIs tomorrow of my brain and some other regions. Hopefully that'll rule out MS. Then next week I meet with an ophthalmologist to hopefully figure out what's going on with my vision. Later next week I meet with a rheumatologist to check my joints and muscles. After all of those tests, they, along with my primary care physician, will hopefully come up with a diagnosis.

But being the brilliant untrained medical specialist that I am, I've already decided that it's either a Lupus flare-up or rheumatoid arthritis. Both conditions seem very similar and the treatment is pretty much the same for both. If it's either I'll be going back on chemo for awhile but I survived it the first time so I'm sure I'll be okay this time too. It really only affects me on the day I receive the treatment and for a day or two after. No hair loss or anything like that. As long as I get enough rest and stay away from germy places I'll be fine.

I'm still not technically allowed to drive, but I have been a little bit because David can't take off work every time I need to go to an appointment. I'm no longer working and have dropped this semester, but will hopefully go back to school this summer or fall. I've been sleeping a lot because I tire very easily and 3 or 4 hours is the maximum amount of time I can go before needing a nap. Sometimes those naps last 1 hour, sometimes up to 4. It just depends.

Walking is difficult because I'm still losing my balance and occasionally falling, although not as much as before. My double vision seems to be worsening and the strain placed on my eyes by doing anything, especially driving, is very uncomfortable. My eyes are red and somewhat swollen so I spend a great deal of time with them closed, listening to books on cd. I love to read and hopefully won't be forced to only listen to books for very long.

Chloe, the dog we adopted about a month and a half ago, has been a wonderful companion for me. She gets me up and walking, which is the best thing for my muscles and joints although it hurts like you wouldn't believe, but I'd rather walk her than have her use the bathroom in the house. Plus, caring for her after her 5 years of emotional and physical abuse is therapeutic for me. I'm not exactly sure why but it probably has something to do with her needs are taking the focus away from my physical pain.

I'm also having some pretty decent memory problems. Most of my short-term memory is gone and the first part of this process is mostly a blur in my mind. I have a hard time thinking of details or words when I need to and that's difficult for me because I'm usually pretty organized of mind. I hope that goes away soon because I sometimes feel like I'm going crazy.

David has been wonderful. Very supportive and kind. He's been better than I could have ever expected. Even Jack (who happens to be going through his "emo" phase, oh God give me the strength I need to not kick the emo right out of him) is less of a rebellious tweener (a person who is 10, 11, or 12. Not yet a teenager, so people call them tweener) than normal. He still drives me crazy but at least he's more polite about it. (See how hip I am, what with being down with the current lingo? I'm kind of awesome like that.)

So that's where we are right now. We don't know exactly what's happening but I'm fairly certain it's one of the two conditions I mentioned above. It's a relief to know that I have a team of 4 doctors working with me to figure out what's happening. It's also irritating trying to accommodate all of their schedules. Doctors really think highly of themselves.

Other news:
My brother gets to come home from Iraq in April! He's already been there for about forever and doesn't come home for good until October-ish. We're all very excited. He got nominated for the second time for the bronze star, but we don't know why yet because he can only tell us in person. The first nomination was when he was in Afghanistan and I'll try to remember to tell you that story another time when I can see and concentrate better.

Always

2008-02-26T21:35:00.005-06:00

Did you know that if you buy Always feminine products you are helping to send money/products to South Africa so they don't have to miss school when they have their periods? Everyone deserves to have a happy period!

Check it out here.

Hmmm...

2008-02-23T23:49:00.004-06:00

Can you tell who the hot momma is that's behind this totally sexy burka?

2008-02-22T14:46:00.001-06:00

Swiped from dooce.com today.

I haven't laughed this hard in days:

Instructions for Looking After Baby

Actual Text Message Conversation

2008-02-19T18:20:00.007-06:00

Apparently both the Fiendster and I had interesting shopping trips today.

FF: Oh. My.

Me: Invader Zim's Crack Cream! It's nature's AIDS!

FF: Crack cream and love dip. It's Saturday night in Oak Lawn! Yeehah! (Lasso and bullwhip not included.)

Me: Slather it on and saddle up!

FF: Send in 10 box tops and $12.95 and get a pair of Crack Cream chaps.

Me: You know way too much about the lives of gay men to be a lesbian. Ride 'em cowboys!

FF: I learned it by watching you, okay?!

Me: Somehow I'm not surprised. I keep dreaming of giant cucumber scarecrows. That probably fits in here somehow.

FF: With the love dip, of course.

Me: Ah yes. Love dip and crack cream. Another Tuesday night in the Smith house! Break out the cucumbers!

FF: This would be why CPS is after you.

Me: Yes, and why you and I are actually 14-year-old boys.

FF: Maturity if overrated.

Me: Ain't that the truth.