Waiting for the Next Big Thing

I got to go to Oklahoma last weekend to see Jack. Anthony drove me there and I got to spend approximately 24 hours with him. It was amazing. He's grown quite a bit and he's gotten so dark this summer. I love that kid so much that it actually causes me physical pain.

When I had to leave him I wanted to die. He looked so little standing there as I hugged him goodbye. I could literally feel my heart breaking and I could barely get in the car when it was time to go. I tried not to cry since I wasn't alone in the car but the tears came anyway. The tears have been threatening to come ever since.

I don't know which is worse...not seeing him for a tremendous length of time or getting a few hours with him and then having to leave him again.

I need something to happen...I need roller coasters or bungee jumping or a trip to Vegas or something. I need something. Possibly a new life.