Jack

Jack has been communicating with his "other" grandma. He started emailing her this week sort of out of the blue and she, of course, has been responding. It's a weird situation because he hasn't yet mentioned it to me and I don't know how or if I should bring it up to him. I fear that something is lacking in his life, something like, oh I don't know, me not being there and that is why he has chosen to do this. Today he gave her his cell phone number and she gave him hers. (Of course I know all of this because I check his email account, not because he has told me any of it. He has, however, told my mother about it. She thinks the reason he's not telling me is because he's afraid he'll hurt me but I don't know why he'd feel that way because I've never actively tried to keep those people out of his life and I've definitely never spoken to him about his father in a negative way. Kids are funny creatures.)

I emailed my ex-husband a couple of months ago when his mother started calling me about Jack. The reason for that email was to find out from him if he has any interest or intention at all of being involved in Jack's life in any way. Because it seems to me that if he wants to be in Jack's life (which, by the way, I have never prohibited him from doing) then it would make sense that his mother be involved as well. But his response to me was essentially that he didn't want to be involved with Jack. And in my opinion, that's just fine because it's his choice to make, not mine. I will not force him to be involved by suing for child support or by forcing him into visitation with Jack. I think that the relationship he and Jack could share would be so much more healthy if they both want it, rather than some stupid law forcing them into it.

But now there's this weirdness with my ex-mother-in-law. I would like to tell her to fuck off and leave us alone but I know that isn't the "right" thing to do. I would like to tell her to leave us alone until Jack is of an age where he can decide for himself what he wants here. But I think maybe Jack is deciding for himself what he wants here which is why he started contacting her in the first place. I just don't know that he's old enough to be making decisions like this. But the fact that he is so young and is making these choices shows me that maybe he is wanting something that he can't put into words to me.

I don't know what the right thing to do here is. I know that it absolutely kills me to think of Jack missing an entire aspect of family that he has never known. But by the same token, these are the same people who knew about my ex's other wife and never told me, even after Jack was born, and they are also creepy religious fanatics that I DO NOT want influencing my son. (Not just your garden variety religious folks - my dad is a PREACHER, I'm fairly comfortable with religion - no, they're creepy. Trust me. I've gone to "church" with them. They freak me out.)

On the one hand, what's the worst that could happen? They could try to maintain a relationship with Jack and he could end up feeling more fulfilled than if he didn't have them in his life. But on the other hand, how will he feel when he realizes that his father made the choice to not have anything to do with him but his family does want to be involved?

I wish there were a right or wrong answer to this situation and I wish I knew what it was. I wish I could hide Jack away from them until he's about 25. I wish they would leave us alone because it certainly complicates things when they start getting involved. I wish Jack didn't have a desire to know them.

But he does, and they're not leaving us alone, and I can't hide Jack from the world. So I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe just let them keep emailing each other to see how that goes for a while. I don't know. I'm confused.

And I really want some pizza.