Monday, March 10, 2008

Pain

Today I had one of the most painful experiences of my life. It rivaled childbirth. All I know was that by the end of the procedure I was lying on the exam table crying with David rubbing my feet and my neurologist apologizing for causing me so much pain. It took a good 30 minutes for me to be able to get up off that table without feeling like puking and I could barely dress myself. Then I had to sit in the chair for another few minutes to try and curb the tears so I could go get the order for the lumbar puncture that I have to endure next. Seriously? At what point will this stop?

Today's procedure involved various electrode things being attached to various nerves on the right side of my body as electricity was shot through them to prove, what? That I'm human? That I'm capable of feeling and enduring unbearable pain? I have no idea. But that's not what made me sob like a little baby to the point where I was afraid a couple of times that I might pass out or at the very least, hyperventilate. Before I knew it the doctor is sticking needles into my muscles and forcing me to push up against them.

The pain was blinding. I could feel the blood from the needle sticks and I felt like every single muscle was screaming. I still have the horrible headache that was caused by the pain. I seriously thought I was going to puke.

Let me give you some reference points. I gave birth 11 years ago to a 10 pound, 23 inch long baby. I did it naturally. I might have cussed a lot during that process but I didn't yell out and I definitely didn't cry. I puked my guts up and various other gross things but it never made me cry. Today, as was aforementioned, I was crying like a baby.

And there was nothing David could do. He rubbed my feet and and head and was generally very supportive of the situation, but he felt helpless to really offer any actual assistance. All the breathing exercises that helped me out during the electrode test were thrown out the window during the needle test.

I'm exhausted. I feel sick. I'm still nauseous. This is why I hate going to doctors. "Let's just poke her with a bunch of random stuff and see what happens! It'll be awesome!" Idiots. If they were so smart wouldn't they have figured all of this out by now? Seriously.

But now I have to sleep. I feel like I haven't slept in days. That procedure really kicked my ass. David was great and I don't know if I would have been able to endure it had he not been there. He very handy about getting me kleenexes.

And like I said before, next is a damn lumbar puncture. Through my tears I was able to ask the doctor if it's true that they'd now be able to tell all the secrets from my sordid past and she laughed at me. It was a whole thing.

Later on today I'll blog again about the awesomeness that ensued after the doctor's appointment wherein I got to go all bad-ass on some bullies in my 'hood. One of these days I'm either going to win an award for bad-assedness or I'll get knifed or shot. Any would be cool as long as I survived and got to be on the news or something.

5 comments:

fictionfiend said...

Sounds like they were giving you a nerve conductivity test. I was supposed to have one done on my right arm after I was injured and kept having tingling in my hand, but some dumbass filed the insurance paperwork incorrectly and the doctor decided not to do it after all.
I am so sorry you are going through all this crap. I am hoping/praying/sacrificing goats that some good, helpful answers come out of all these tests and exams.

Talley Images said...

Im sorry you had to endure that - maybe they got some answers from it?

hope you are feeling better

Anonymous said...

:( I'm so sorry. We are praying for you every day. Let us know if you need ANYTHING, we'll donate organs or you know something useful..
You are so loved,
-E

SerenitySprings said...

Well, since you offered, want to donate your joints and muscles to me? I could use them. :)

Anonymous said...

hmm... I might actually need those...now a kidney or gall bladder or...tonsils, you can have those!
-E