Sunday, September 05, 2004


I think about what I was then. I was so small. The memories that were provided to me during that time were enough to sustain me. But now I know that everything that I have become since then is nothing real. I am only a fragment of what I once was. I do not play the game in the same way now that I once did. But I know what I must do. I must suck it up and learn to deal. Because this is what there is. What has been presented to me at this time is all that there is. And I know that I will not be complete until I have experienced that which seems so out of reach. Everything that he taught me about life courses through me like water through the smallest vein of that river. It’s amazing that you are frozen in my mind as that child…the one you will never be…the one you never were. I saw you for what I wanted to see you as, and not as you truly were. For that I am sorry. I do not know if I will ever have the chance to tell you that in person, but I do know that right here, in this moment, I mean it.

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