I don’t want to have to be strong about this. I don’t want to have to feel this. I want to crawl inside that hole and cover myself and just let it fade away. I feel like a part of me died tonight. A part of me that experienced hope for the first time in years. And now that is gone. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be the one who carries this. I want this to just be done and to not hurt anymore. I want my independence back. I want me back. I want him with me.