Sunday, June 26, 2005

Life by Ringtone

I realized today, as I went about reassigning a ringtone, that I live my life according to who is assigned what ringtone. A week or so ago I had to reassign one ringtone as a sign that I was done cowtowing to a certain individual. It was a way for me to "let go", as it were.

I am now faced with the thought of losing another friend. I thought we had something really special - something that could withstand the test of time. I thought we would be together forever but I wasn't quite sure in what capacity we would be together. I figured I had plenty of time to figure our relationship out because he seemed willing to give me the time to let me figure it out.

But then, of course, big time life changes started occurring...for both of us. I didn't think it was possible that the one person I thought really "got me" would decide to, in a way, write me off, without even offering me an explanation. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised.

So, here I sit. Do I give away the ringtone? Or trust that he will come back to me and be the friend I thought he was? I dunno. I love him but maybe all the shit from the past couple of months is just too much for him - for us - to overcome. And that makes me very sad.

But I think I won't change the ringtone just yet. I believe that after everything we've been through together we will find a way to make this work. I believe in him and trust that he still believes in me.

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