Every once in a while...

Every once in a while a person will come into your life that will just totally screw you up. It doesn't happen often but it seems to be happening a lot to me lately. I thought being with friends tonight would make it a bit easier but it's not. I can't sleep and I don't really want to do this anymore. I don't know what that means exactly except that I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling used and like I'm not enough. I'm tired of being alone and lonely. It's a really strange thing to be in a room full of people but to still feel completely alone. I need to talk to D about what happened with him this week but I'm really not looking forward to that. On the one hand I wish I could just walk away and never have to talk to him again but on the other hand I don't want to lose him. I also wish I could talk to J about that situation but I know that it's best if I don't. I'm alone. I'm confused. I'm sad. I want sleep. I want to go home. I need to cry but the tears just won't come. I need to be alone but I'm afraid of that right now. Tonight was a really unfortunate night. Really really.