Different
I was reminded once again today of just how different I am from other people. Well, actually, I think I'm probably reminded of that every day but some days it seems to sting a little more.
I think maybe I have too much belief in people. I believe in them, I trust them, I assume they - like me - will go about their lives trying not to hurt other people. But I'm wrong. Because most people exist in this world for no one but themselves.
There is one person in particular that I thought I could really trust. Not because he has ever really done anything to earn that trust - quite the contrary, actually. But once again, he has succeeded at sorely disappointing me today. A couple of times.
I want to keep believing in him but I think I'm just done. I don't think I can do it anymore. It's unfortunate, but it's life.
I don't want to lose my belief in the goodness of all people but if these past few months have taught me anything, it's that people cannot be trusted.
Yay for the death of idealism, huh.
5 comments:
As much as I want to love and trust everyone, I have learned the unfortunate fact that few people can be entirely trusted. I can count on one hand the number of people I trust completely, and I'd still have enough fingers left to pull the trigger on the rest of the motherfuckers, should the need arise.
I am still fully willing to love everyone, but trust is something they'll have to earn.
Gojiro took the words right out of my mouth... Wow. Well said, Gojiro!
-jet
Maybe you're both right but it still feels like by losing a bit of my idealism, I'm losing a bit of my innocence. Which I guess is part of the point. And possibly an entire blog entry.
There is a difference between innocence and idealism. You can recognize that some people are untrustworthy and/or bad, and still be idealistic about people overall. I have pretty much internalized exactly how bad people can be, I've met most of them, and overall I still think people are a pretty good idea.
In other words, what you are talking about here is street smarts... not idealism.
Then again, I take the opposite approach of Jet and Gojiro. It's very very very hard to earn my trust, whether or not you've ever broken it. Trust is something I give out based on gut instinct. When I meet you if I like you and you seem trustworthy, I'll trust you until you prove me wrong (repeatedly). If you make my skin crawl off my body and out the door, I'll usually follow it and never come back. If I can't decide immediately, I'll withold judgement. But once I've decided, it's pretty much set. You're either a devil or an angel. Or a nobody.
At this point I realize I have veered away from a reply and into a blog post of my own, which I may or may not ever make. But I guess the point is here.
Oh yeah. The above was me.
-Ryan
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