Sex
Okay...so the ADD is apparently not over yet. So, let's talk about sex. I'm interested in seeing what some of your opinions are.
What are your thoughts on things like threesomes and other such activities? Why do you suppose people take sexual "dares", as it were? What drives us, as humans, to partake in various sexual activities?
7 comments:
Are you kidding? Why do people have sex??? Because they can. Sex is an end in itself. It doesn't need any justification. Why threesomes? I guess the logic is: sex is good, so more is better. Dares are all about getting over insecurities and social stigma. They give you a 'justification' for doing what you would have done anyway. I mean, a dare is never going to get you to do something that you would never do - it just lets you do something that you shouldn't do, but probably wanted to anyway. Given that it's all in the context of a game, it's easy to dismiss any of it as meaningless later on. Which is fine. Some people need that.
My question is what drives people to give in to their urges in some cases and deny them in others? If a girl flashes her tits at Mardi Gras, why doesn't she flash her tits at the grocery store, or at my place?
That's easy arcbat - It has to do with social stigma associated with it. At Mardi Gras, a girl is a) drunk, b) thinking its all in good fun, and c) not worried she's going to stand out as the only tit flasher. There, people give her beads, and its fun.
At the grocery store she would be arrested.
Which brings us full circle to dares and games. They help remove the social stigma, etc. Plus, if everyone is doing dares, then it doesnt put the "omg your a freak" status on one player - all are equally culpable.
To answer the original posts questions in reverse order:
1) Procreation is the single greatest driving factor of any successful creature, including us. Everything we do is about survival. Sex leads there. Thankfully, the way it works for us includes some fun pleasure based aspects, so there is motivation to have sex for reasons other than procreation... but not on a base level. The dodging of the children is a more concious thing, exploiting the pleasure response. Thats why we "partake" - because we are hard wired to, and it feels good.
2) People take sexual dares for a few reasons: a) because it lets them do something they want to do anyway, but were worried about. b) because it seems like fun, and even if they shouldnt do it, it still feels good. c) they are drunk. d) peer pressure.
3) I'm down with all sorts of crazy shit, but I find the kinkier it is the less I have to care about the people involved. I'd rather do some crazy shit with some people who I barely know (who are clean of course) vs a bunch of people I love. Because I think the kinky shit is a lot more objectifying than straight up one on one time. I sometimes wonder if you can measure emotional attachment as an inverse relationship to violence in sex. Hard to say really. In any case, i'm rambling now. Regardless, Kinky is fun. Taboo things get people off. Thats why they are taboo. ;P
-R
Thoughts on threesomes and such . . . mmmm, happy thoughts. :-D
Oh, you meant theoretical thoughts. I figure for boys it's "more is better" and for girls "sometimes ya gotta do some comparison shopping." I have a book (Sperm Wars) that gets into waaay too much theory on this stuff. Let me know if you want to see it next time you come over. I also agree with R on dares--it's easier to try something fun if you take the stigma away.
OTOH, I disagree with him on who to do it with. The better I know the people the better it's been. Less chance of blow-ups. More chance of getting to do it again. :-)
Karl - I think you might be confusing my statement about Kinky shit with my statement about dares.
I never really gave a statement about who is better for Dares, but I tend to agree with you... even if the dare is a kinky one.
Its a hard distinction to explain, I think. But it is one I make. Weird, I know.
-R
I guess when it comes to me I just go with whatever I'm feeling at that moment. If I'm in a comfortable situation I'm okay just rolling with it. But it's the uncomfortable situations that make sex difficult. I don't really understand what makes some situations more comfortable than others.
Also, I should add the following:
I dated a guy that was pretty sexually "normal". There was none of the kinky shit that has been described above. We had a great time but we were never really completely honest with each other about much...I never really felt able to open up.
Then I dated a guy that was not abnormal so much as just very open to new experiences. I felt that I was able to be more honest with him about my feelings and desires - not only regarding sex but also in life.
I don't know what that means, exactly, except that those who are sexually open seem more open in life as well. And open is good...it seems to foster healthier relationships.
threesomes and such: i've heard tales on how great they can be and i've heard tales on how they fertilize the seeds of doubt and mistrust. i tend to agree with R, it would prolly be better with those you don't love and care about. I would assume that would take care of the doubt and whatnot.
dares: yea, i agree with pretty much everyone.. it's to do things you want to without taking responsibility for it. "What? I was dared.. i HAD to do it!"
and i love your comment, serenity, about being open fosters healthier relationships. Open is good ^^
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