Thursday, April 14, 2005


I have often wondered what it is about the human body that allows us to go on living when there seems to be no hope. The fact remains that I do not tell myself to breathe; yet here I sit consumed with a desire for air. My chest rising and falling causes me actual physical pain and yet, I am unable to stop.

There is no good reason to be experiencing this physical pain; at least none that I can think of. Maybe the pain comes from the death of something; the hole that was left when he went away.

I guess the best way to lose the pain is to allow myself to get locked up in my head and ignore everyone around me. If I don’t let them in they have no way to hurt me, and even more importantly, I have no way to hurt them. That seems like the most prudent course of action.

But I know that when I get home tonight, home to my empty house, the pain will take me to that almost unbearable place. All pain is bearable…some is just harder to take. But I know that this pain will be bearable because I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it in. And besides, pain is temporary, right?

Therefore I will continue to exist in this crazy place of limbo. I will wake, I will sleep, I might eat, and I will breathe. Because no matter how much I don’t want to do those things my body will do them for me. It’s a strange thing to be betrayed by one’s own body in that manner. Yet if the body did not have the inherent need to survive I would imagine that none of us would ever live through the devastation of a broken heart.

“If you ever feel neglected, and if you think that all is lost, I’ll be counting up my demons, hoping everything’s not lost.”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Great Coldplay quote.

Just keep breathing. If you don't stop breathing you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.