Douleur
I have often wondered what it is about the human body that allows us to go on living when there seems to be no hope. The fact remains that I do not tell myself to breathe; yet here I sit consumed with a desire for air. My chest rising and falling causes me actual physical pain and yet, I am unable to stop.
There is no good reason to be experiencing this physical pain; at least none that I can think of. Maybe the pain comes from the death of something; the hole that was left when he went away.
I guess the best way to lose the pain is to allow myself to get locked up in my head and ignore everyone around me. If I don’t let them in they have no way to hurt me, and even more importantly, I have no way to hurt them. That seems like the most prudent course of action.
But I know that when I get home tonight, home to my empty house, the pain will take me to that almost unbearable place. All pain is bearable…some is just harder to take. But I know that this pain will be bearable because I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it in. And besides, pain is temporary, right?
Therefore I will continue to exist in this crazy place of limbo. I will wake, I will sleep, I might eat, and I will breathe. Because no matter how much I don’t want to do those things my body will do them for me. It’s a strange thing to be betrayed by one’s own body in that manner. Yet if the body did not have the inherent need to survive I would imagine that none of us would ever live through the devastation of a broken heart.
“If you ever feel neglected, and if you think that all is lost, I’ll be counting up my demons, hoping everything’s not lost.”
There is no good reason to be experiencing this physical pain; at least none that I can think of. Maybe the pain comes from the death of something; the hole that was left when he went away.
I guess the best way to lose the pain is to allow myself to get locked up in my head and ignore everyone around me. If I don’t let them in they have no way to hurt me, and even more importantly, I have no way to hurt them. That seems like the most prudent course of action.
But I know that when I get home tonight, home to my empty house, the pain will take me to that almost unbearable place. All pain is bearable…some is just harder to take. But I know that this pain will be bearable because I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it in. And besides, pain is temporary, right?
Therefore I will continue to exist in this crazy place of limbo. I will wake, I will sleep, I might eat, and I will breathe. Because no matter how much I don’t want to do those things my body will do them for me. It’s a strange thing to be betrayed by one’s own body in that manner. Yet if the body did not have the inherent need to survive I would imagine that none of us would ever live through the devastation of a broken heart.
“If you ever feel neglected, and if you think that all is lost, I’ll be counting up my demons, hoping everything’s not lost.”
1 comment:
Great Coldplay quote.
Just keep breathing. If you don't stop breathing you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.
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